Thursday, March 28, 2013

Such a sweet body

Original source

This totally made me smile! Why are we so hard on ourselves?! I'm not just talking about our bodies (though heaven knows we can be so unforgiving with that topic). I tend to be really hard on myself with my expectations of where I should be in life right now. I should be in a successful career by now. I should be married with a few children by now. I should own my own place by now. I shouldn't be hung up on my ex-boyfriend. We get so focused on what we don't have that we don't realize what we do have. The positive things that God has blessed us with.

So for today, here are a few positive things in my life:

1. Spotify and unlimited access to happy music.
2. Yellow flowers on my computer background and in my office.
3. A sunny day.
4. Moab trip in one day!
5. Friends.

What are five positive things in your day?

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Dating apps

Have you heard about dating apps? Maybe I'm just behind on the times, but my friend encouraged me to download Tinder this past weekend. It's my first dating app and since then, I've heard of a few others.

An inside look at the app
The app will pull up other Tinder users your area and you can decide if you like the person or not. If you do and if the person likes you back, then you can message back and forth. The comforting thing is the app is designed to be sneaky. If you like a person and they don't like you back, they won't ever know you liked them in the first place! I've been using the app for a week or so and I'm so entertained with it!  I've chatted with a few boys, but nothing has happened...yet! It's such a fun way to meet new people.

What about you? Do you know about any fun dating apps out there? Would you be willing to try one?

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Do Unto Others

Here is one of my most fundamental rules when I'm first getting to know a guy. Ready for it?

Do unto them as you would have done unto you.

Sounds a bit familiar, right? Good! Just so you know, I didn't come up with it.

For most of my life, I was brainwashed by chick flick movies that had the same plot: Boy and girl meet. Boy is smitten, girl is not. Boy attempts to woo girl, girl is a total jerk. She often insults him, ignores him, or dates other boys while he watches. Boy keeps trying and eventually, she changes her mind, they fall in love and live happily ever after. (see The Notebook)

Yeah, I'll publicly humiliate you just so you fall  more in love with me!

In real life, this does not happen. If you are mean to a boy, he will stop pursuing you. True story. Guys don't have limitless self-esteem available for every girl to cruelly crush. They hate being rejected just as much as we do. So help a brother out! Here are some of my niceness tips:

-Smile at a boy who looks like he is trying to get the courage to come talk to you. It makes it SO much easier for him.

-Separate yourselves from your girls every so often. It's so intimidating for a guy to call out one girl from a group. Food is my great excuse. If I've been standing with a group of girls for too long, I "get a drink of water" or "grab another cupcake." Throwing away trash is another great excuse. Also, don't be afraid to attend events alone. It forces you to make new friends!

-One thing I like to do is think about how I want to be treated, then do those exact things to him. So, for example, if I'm standing alone at a party, wishing a guy would come over and tell me I look amazing, I find an amazing looking guy and start up a conversation by complimenting him. Or if I just started talking to a guy and I want him to tease me a bit, I start teasing him.

-Flirt, flirt, flirt! In addition to letting him know that you are interested, flirting just makes people more comfortable. It makes them feel special and wanted. Those girls who get asked out on a lot of dates? Yeah, they are master flirters.

-Say yes if he asks he you out. Unless you absolutely know it is completely going no where. Then, the nicest thing to do is say no.

-If you really aren't interested, it is SO mean to lead him on. If you say, "I'm busy this week" or "I have to wash my hair" he might not get the point. Try instead, "That is so nice of you, but I'm not really interested. Thanks so much for thinking of me." It may be awkward, but you are being nice enough to let him move on to a girl who is interested.

What about you friends? Any other tips on how to be nice?

Monday, March 11, 2013

Because I don't always talk about dating...

The view from my kitchen window

I had a very quiet weekend. Unusually quiet. So I took advantage of my freedom and did some spring cleaning. I rearranged my bookshelves, which is a huge deal for a book nerd like myself. I left them in color coded order (based on the order of the rainbow colors)(and yes, it does mean that the Harry Potter books are not together) but I pushed them to the back, against the back wall of the shelves, then put my trinkets in front of the books. It's not a big deal for most people, but I was very excited with the end results.

I also spent some time sorting through my stuff I have in storage. I got rid of SO. MUCH. Stuff. Seriously, who carts around that much crap? I'm only one person! Books, cds, an old jewelry box and a vacuum cleaner (maybe someday I'll post about my strange love of vacuuming). DI and the library benefited greatly from my spring cleaning!

Friends, it was a lot of work, but when I was done, I felt so free! I move a lot and I had some items that should have been donated two moves ago. Eek!  Also, I'll be moving again in a few months and it's nice to know I have one less carload of junk to worry about. While I was sorting through some boxes, I found a bunch of my old journals and I had a quick read. I laughed and cried. It felt good. Overall, it was a productive and enjoyable weekend.

Anyone else in spring cleaning mode?

Friday, March 8, 2013

Don't ask.

One of my top dating rules is this: never, ever ask a guy out on a date.

It's a very controversial rule.

But I've stood by it for many years now and I've never suffered from it.

Here's why: if they wanted to go out with you, they would ask you out! It's that simple. They don't really like being asked out because men like to compete and work hard. By not asking him out, you remain the challenge. Asking him out makes you a little too easy.

Your guy friend might say, "No way! We like being asked out!" But what they really mean is, "Of course I like being asked out! Who wouldn't want a free activity that I didn't have to plan? But yeah, if I liked you and was genuinely interested in you, I would have asked you out awhile ago." I promise you, that is what they mean. Don't believe me? Ask around. How many relationships or even second dates (where he asked her the second time because he was interested) resulted from her asking him out the first time? It's abysmally low. Much lower than the success rate when he asked her out the first time.

Some potential exceptions?

-You aren't interested in actually in productive dating (the kind of dating that leads to a relationship). You just want to test your flirting skills. By all mean, ask and practice! Just don't be disappointed when you are going on dates and nothing ever seems to come from it.

-You really, really need a date. I mean, really really really really need a date. As in, it is too awkward to go alone and it would be weird to bring a girl friend. In this situation, DO NOT ask a guy you are interested in or hope something will happen. Ask a guy friend who you've already established that nothing will happen with.

-You're a modern woman in a modern world and asking out men is now acceptable. Well, okay then. Good luck with that. Good luck going against thousands of years of evolutionary psychology. If it works and you end up marrying him, let me know. I always like being proven wrong.
My point is, don't ask guys out on dates. Flirt so that they will be comfortable enough to ask you out. But don't you dare ask him! If it seems hard at first, you'll get better at it. Trust me.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Have you seen this?

This is a super cute video a friend showed me awhile ago. It's very similar to the Pixar short Paperman, except this one came first!

I love her boldness and creativity, initiating a creative conversation, but she still lets him take the lead when moving to the next level. Such a cute video!

What do you think? Would you have started a conversation, if you were her?

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

A Brief Touch

In case you are like me and missed the Dating 101 for High Schoolers (I'm pretty sure it was held in the mall on the weekends, which explains why so many teens hang out there), I have a very basic tip today. The days of showing a boy you like him by ignoring him are over. Instead, you need to need to break his personal bubble space and touch him. Touching is the new ignoring!

Cartoon Girl gives a good example!
Have you never tried this flirting technique? Start simple!
-As you are laughing at the funny joke he just told, put your hand on his shoulder for a second or two.
-When you are excitedly sharing a story with him, put your hand on his arm briefly.
-If he shares an profound insights, quickly put your hand on his knee and say, "That is a really good idea!"
-If he teases you, push him slightly in the shoulder.

Already tried those basics? Take it up a notch!
-As you are telling him a story, put your hand on his arm and leave it there.
-Put your hand over his hand for a minute as you are talking. Or, if you are talking to him and someone interrupts to speak with you, put your hand over his hand during the interruption. It'll keep his attention, trust me. Keep in mind, this shouldn't be holding hands! It's more of an encouragement to get him to hold your hand!
-When you talking and put your hand on his arm. Leave it there for awhile or rub his arm as you talk. Not longer than a minute. You wanna keep it in teasing mode!

Next time you are at a social event, try one or two of these moves. Pay attention to how he reacts. If he seems uncomfortable, he might not be interested. Most likely, he'll smile and get more into your conversation. 

Friends, what other moves do you use when flirting and touching?

Friday, March 1, 2013

No more excuses!

Picture it. It's Friday morning and you realize you have yet another weekend without a date. Well, you reason, it's fine. I didn't want to go on a date anyway. I'm....

*Far too busy.
*too intimidating because of my brains/skills/looks/amazing testimony.
*not interested in the guys in my ward/apartment building/classes.
*waiting until I move/graduate
*just not good enough for boys to ask out. (Ugh. If I ever hear you say this, I will personally come over and yell at you).

Here is an important tip: STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOURSELF! We often make those excuses to cover up insecurities. Too often, what we really mean is, "I wanna date, but no one is asking me out. So I'll pretend like I didn't want to go out in the first place." What we should be saying is, "How am I going to get a date this weekend?" Admit to yourself you want to be dating. Then go about dating! If you want to date, then you should be dating. It's that simple. As long as there are single boys and single girls, dating will happen. No excuses.

While we are on the topic of excuses, let's talk about making excuses for boys. I would like to introduce you to a little movie that literally changed my dating life:
He's Just Not that Into You. A book and movie. I like both.
In the movie, our main character Gigi is stalking some guy at a bar, hoping that if he sees her again, he'll ask her out again and fall madly in love with her. The cute bartender, Alex, tells her she is stupid. He then gives this profound piece of wisdom (and I'm paraphrasing a bit here): If a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a crap, he genuinely doesn't give a crap.

Friends, the first time I heard that line, it was like a light bulb went off in my mind. I was Gigi! I had spent so much time making excuses for guys. He's busy with school work. He is out of town. He's shy. He needs to figure himself out. If I'm patient, he'll eventually call me or ask me out. Well, NO MORE!

Psychologically, men love to face challenges, compete and win. It's why they love sports and video games so much. If he wants you, HE WILL MAKE IT WORK. Believe me. One of my guy friends knocked on several doors in an apartment complex until he found a girl he had met at the pool. My last boyfriend stalked me at several parties because he was so nervous about talking to me. Then he broke his rule of talking to a girl at least twice before getting her number. When a guy is interested, he will make it happen. No exceptions.

If he doesn't seem like he cares about you, he truly doesn't care. He just isn't into you. As hard as it is to hear and accept, you need to move on. Don't make excuses. Don't wait. Don't hope. Just move on. It will save you time and heart ache.

But you really, really, really like him and maybe he will change? Okay, I get that. So anytime he contacts you, flirt your little heart out. Do everything in your power to help him feel like he is the most special man in the world. But do NOT contact him. Let him come to you. When he's not around you, flirt with other guys and cultivate other options. If it works out with Dream Boy, great. If not, there's always Hottie from last Friday's party.

But he really is super shy! Great. So one day you'll get desperate enough and ask him out (a move I do not approve of) and then he still won't say anything. He still won't take inititive. Someday, he is going to meet Mrs. Right, who he is so captivated by that he will move past his shyness and they will live happily ever after. He will make it happen. But if he is too shy to ask you out, you aren't Mrs. Right. Move on. Still can't? See steps in previous paragraph.

My one warning in all this is to be careful when he DOES act like he cares. Then you should help him out! Some poor boys get super frustrated when a girl is difficult, even though he is doing all he can. Then, he won't ask you out. Don't be that girl. My advice? Reciprocate his interest. More on that later. For now, remember this simple mantra: If he acts like he doesn't care about you, he really doesn't. He's just not that into you. Move on, find a man who is.