Monday, April 22, 2013

Interwebs dating

I approve of online dating.
If you haven’t given it a try, you should.
Back in 2011, I was scared of online dating. I felt like only losers used it because they had been rejected by every other boy in real life. Then, my group of friends (there were six of us who were very close) went through an online dating phase and convinced me to join them. One friend went on an average of two dates a day (she was a little bit boy crazy and only had a part time job in order to help her focus on man-hunting. True story.) Another friend met an awesome guy who took her out on amazing dates and brought her flowers when she got back from a trip. Another friend got into a relationship with a guy she met.
Excitedly, I started an account and waited for the messages to start pouring in. I got a message from a 64 divorced man who live in Iowa. He had no schooling, no job and looked like he hadn’t showered in a week. He sent me a very tempting offer and it was hard to refuse, but I somehow managed.

The next guy who messaged me told me that if I was pretty cute, but he doesn’t date Mormon girls. If I ever decided to renounce my religion, he explained, he would be willing to go out with me. I sent him a scathing letter reminding him that I’m not a member of my church because my mommy told me I had to or because I wanted to get married in a pretty building like all of my friends. I told him he insulted my intelligence and even if I did renounce my religion, he would be the last man on earth I would date. I really did say all of that (except the dramatic, last-man line).

Then I got a series of messages from creepy, weird and generally dreadful guys. My self-confidence shot down. Was there something so wrong with me that my friends would get amazing guys and I got the losers? Were these the type of guys I was supposed to be with while my friends got the cool, smart, nice guys? For the sake of my self esteem, I closed that account.
A few months later, my friends convinced me I just had a bad experience and I needed to try again. They suggested a different website, After much coaxing, I gave it another try. Much. Better. Results. I ended up messaging some really cool guys and I went on a few dates (one guy will get his own post someday, it was such a funny date). I’m still friends with a few of the guys I met through the experience. I enjoyed talking to different guys and learning how to flirt online. It even built my self esteem! 

I tell you all of this because I want you to know online dating isn't for everybody, but give it a try before you completely knock it. Here are my tips:

*Don’t pay for an account. That was my mistake the first time around. When you pay, you get people who are a little more desperate or shallow. Normal, average guys will set up a free account because, why not! It’s a free way to meet more girls and there is no commitment. Don’t you pay either.

*Close the account if it’s hurting your self-esteem. There are some creepy and weird guys out there. You deserve better than that, trust me. Try another site or use the good old fashioned method of meeting people in person.

*Be safe. A good guy won’t be offended if you ask for his name first so you can facebook stalk him before giving your contact info. He will know there is more danger for you than for him. A good guy will have plenty of information on his profile. He will be willing to meet you in a public place. He won’t make you feel guilty for not giving information.

*Don’t stay on all the time. Go on for a month or two. If you aren’t succeeding, cancel the account. Then come back in a few months and try another website. People use different sites, so you never know who you’ll meet.

*Pay attention to the pictures and information you put up. Are you using cute pictures? Ask a photographer friend to take a good picture and use that. Online dating can be a bit shallow initially, deal with it. Also, read through the information you put up. Don’t give away personal information (your address, your first and last name, etc) but don’t be so vague that you come off as boring. For example, everyone says, “I’m fun and smart.” That is vague and tells guys nothing about you. Try something like, “I enjoy sitting on the porch during the rain while reading a good book.” It’s specific enough that he can comment on and it shows your interests.
*Believe that success can come from online dating! I had one friend who got married in December from online dating. Another friend will be getting married this July from her online dating encounter. It isn’t the only way, but it is a great way!


  1. Thanks for this post! I had a bad online dating experience as well (I am apparently very attractive to black African men who have recently moved to the United States and can't spell at all).

    Maybe I will try ldslinkup. It can't hurt, right?

    1. Give it a try! I also really like okcupid. Who knows who you will meet!