Friday, March 1, 2013

No more excuses!

Picture it. It's Friday morning and you realize you have yet another weekend without a date. Well, you reason, it's fine. I didn't want to go on a date anyway. I'm....

*Far too busy.
*too intimidating because of my brains/skills/looks/amazing testimony.
*not interested in the guys in my ward/apartment building/classes.
*waiting until I move/graduate
*just not good enough for boys to ask out. (Ugh. If I ever hear you say this, I will personally come over and yell at you).

Here is an important tip: STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOURSELF! We often make those excuses to cover up insecurities. Too often, what we really mean is, "I wanna date, but no one is asking me out. So I'll pretend like I didn't want to go out in the first place." What we should be saying is, "How am I going to get a date this weekend?" Admit to yourself you want to be dating. Then go about dating! If you want to date, then you should be dating. It's that simple. As long as there are single boys and single girls, dating will happen. No excuses.

While we are on the topic of excuses, let's talk about making excuses for boys. I would like to introduce you to a little movie that literally changed my dating life:
He's Just Not that Into You. A book and movie. I like both.
In the movie, our main character Gigi is stalking some guy at a bar, hoping that if he sees her again, he'll ask her out again and fall madly in love with her. The cute bartender, Alex, tells her she is stupid. He then gives this profound piece of wisdom (and I'm paraphrasing a bit here): If a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a crap, he genuinely doesn't give a crap.

Friends, the first time I heard that line, it was like a light bulb went off in my mind. I was Gigi! I had spent so much time making excuses for guys. He's busy with school work. He is out of town. He's shy. He needs to figure himself out. If I'm patient, he'll eventually call me or ask me out. Well, NO MORE!

Psychologically, men love to face challenges, compete and win. It's why they love sports and video games so much. If he wants you, HE WILL MAKE IT WORK. Believe me. One of my guy friends knocked on several doors in an apartment complex until he found a girl he had met at the pool. My last boyfriend stalked me at several parties because he was so nervous about talking to me. Then he broke his rule of talking to a girl at least twice before getting her number. When a guy is interested, he will make it happen. No exceptions.

If he doesn't seem like he cares about you, he truly doesn't care. He just isn't into you. As hard as it is to hear and accept, you need to move on. Don't make excuses. Don't wait. Don't hope. Just move on. It will save you time and heart ache.

But you really, really, really like him and maybe he will change? Okay, I get that. So anytime he contacts you, flirt your little heart out. Do everything in your power to help him feel like he is the most special man in the world. But do NOT contact him. Let him come to you. When he's not around you, flirt with other guys and cultivate other options. If it works out with Dream Boy, great. If not, there's always Hottie from last Friday's party.

But he really is super shy! Great. So one day you'll get desperate enough and ask him out (a move I do not approve of) and then he still won't say anything. He still won't take inititive. Someday, he is going to meet Mrs. Right, who he is so captivated by that he will move past his shyness and they will live happily ever after. He will make it happen. But if he is too shy to ask you out, you aren't Mrs. Right. Move on. Still can't? See steps in previous paragraph.

My one warning in all this is to be careful when he DOES act like he cares. Then you should help him out! Some poor boys get super frustrated when a girl is difficult, even though he is doing all he can. Then, he won't ask you out. Don't be that girl. My advice? Reciprocate his interest. More on that later. For now, remember this simple mantra: If he acts like he doesn't care about you, he really doesn't. He's just not that into you. Move on, find a man who is.

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