Monday, February 25, 2013

Bend and Snap

Do you remember the Bend and Snap from the movie Legally Blonde?

 
In the movie, Paulette has just had a terrible interaction with a man she's been crushing on for awhile. She is so nervous, she barely speaks to the guy! Elle Woods patiently tells her, "You have all the right equipment, you just need to read the manual."

So Elle teaches Paulette the Bend and Snap. It has a 98% success rate of getting a man's attention and when used appropriately, it has a 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation. Do you know why it has such a high success rate? Because that little maneuver sends all the right messages via body language!

DATING TRUTH: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAY, IT'S HOW YOU SAY IT.

There are so many moves, tricks and principles that fall under this truth. Body language is so critical for any relationship, especially dating. I'm so excited to share them all with you, but today, I just want to talk about your tone of voice. The way you say a certain line can take it from a cutsey-we-are-just-friends statement into a I-want-I-need-you-oh-baby flirtatious statement.

Personal example: The other day I was at a party and I met a guy. We had been flirting, but it was time for me to go. I turned to him and said, "Well, I gotta go, but it was a delight to meet you." He stared at me suspiciously for a minute. Then he said, "That sounds a bit sarcastic." I laughed and said, "I really didn't mean it sarcastically. Let me try it the way I really meant it." I paused and in my most seductive voice, I said "Well, I gotta go, but it was a delight to meet you."

Thankfully, this guy and I were comfortable enough that he could call me out on my tone. But how many guys don't call you out? Instead, he silently feels like you must not like him because of the way you said it. Then he never asks you out. I know, I know! It's not fair to be judged on what you aren't saying, but it's human nature. This principle goes both ways. Think of the number of times a guy thought you were into him, but you weren't. What kind of tone were you using? Happens all the time.

So practice! Try out the line, "You look really good tonight." Say it in front of mirror (don't feel foolish! We're all improving here!) and listen to your voice. Try saying it as if you were talking to your sister, trying to build her confidence before she goes on a date. Now try saying it as if you were giving a compliment to some girl you met last week in Relief Society. Now try saying it as if you were talking to your dream man and what you really mean is, "I wanna run my hands all over your chiseled abs and then make out with you." Do you see and hear the differences?! What words were emphasized each time? Did you pause at different points? Did you sound super excited, then frank and straight forward, then seductive? Most importantly, what tone did you use the last time you talked to your crush?

Keep practicing! Try out some of your more common lines like, "It was a delight to meet you" or "Your major/job is so interesting!" When talking to your crush, your tone should be somewhere between the talking to your sister and the chiseled abs bit. Practiced a bit? Here is the next step: Talk to your crush. Say things you would normally say, but focus on your tone. Watch him react. Now he knows you are interested in him!

Guys rarely come out and ask if you like him. Instead, they are looking for little cues like your tone. Is he in the friend zone for you? Do you want him so badly it's causing tension? Remember, guys can be a little thick, so when you think you are laying it on too strong, you probably are not. (Hint: you're coming on too strong when he doesn't even bother to get your number and instead just ask if you want to make out, right there and then).  It's hard at first to know when to use a certain tone and if you are using the right tone, but practice makes perfect! You can do it!

Anyone have success and failure stories with using correct tone of voice? I'd love to hear about them in the comments!

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